Escape to Columbia: Luxurious Stay at Holiday Inn Express Fort Jackson
Escape to Columbia: My Rollercoaster Stay at the Holiday Inn Express Fort Jackson (and Why You Might Want to Consider It)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because I just survived… I mean, experienced… the Holiday Inn Express Fort Jackson. And let me tell you, it was a TRIP. This isn’t your cookie-cutter review, folks. This is the raw, unvarnished truth, complete with my questionable decisions and the occasional existential crisis brought on by the sheer amount of free Wi-Fi.
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Right, let's dive in, shall we? This whole… experience… started because I needed a quick escape. Work had been eating my soul, the dog was shedding like a blizzard, and I just needed to breathe. Columbia, South Carolina, seemed like a good bet. Close enough, but far enough. And the Holiday Inn Express near Fort Jackson? Well, it had EVERYTHING. On paper, anyway.
First Impressions (and the Existential Dread of Free Wi-Fi)
The moment I walked in, I was immediately hit with a blast of… well, it smelled clean. Like, REALLY clean. And that, my friends, is probably the biggest takeaway about cleanliness here. They're SERIOUS about it. Apparently, they run the entire place through a sanitizing machine after every guest. Shivers. They've got this whole "Rooms sanitized between stays" thing going on, and I saw staff meticulously wiping down everything. I mean everything. Looked around the lobby, noticed the hand sanitizer stations were plentiful, and the staff were all masked up. Points for safety in a post-pandemic world, I guess. But the sheer intensity of it all made me feel like I should probably go shower. Immediately.
Oh, and did I mention the Free Wi-Fi in Everything?! Not just in the rooms, but everywhere! Shudders. It was… both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because, hey, streaming movies in bed is always a win. Curse because I spent far too long scrolling through… well, you know… the internet.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (Like My Mental State)
Okay, so the Accessibility situation was interesting. They definitely tried. I didn't require a wheelchair myself, but I peeked around. The elevators were a plus, and generally, the hallways seemed wide enough. I’m not entirely sure how the On-site accessible restaurants / lounges were. I didn't see or hear of any. I'm leaning towards not. The website hinted at accessible rooms, though.
The Room: A Comfortably Sterile Sanctuary
My room was… the perfect picture of comfortably sterile. See, I’m generally a slob, but the super-cleanliness had a weird influence on me. I was practically afraid to take off my shoes. The Air conditioning blasted, the Blackout curtains were perfect – I didn’t see daylight the entire time – and the Free bottled water was a godsend after a caffeine-fueled road trip.
Let's talk Internet. I'll go further and say, I lived online during this stay. I'm not proud of that fact. I binge-watched a whole season of something or other. But, the wi-fi was seamless. No complaints. I suppose I could’ve used the Internet [LAN] access, because it looks like it was there. The Internet services were solid.
The Additional toilet was nice, I guess. I only used the primary one, though. The Alarm clock was, well, an alarm clock. The Bathrobes looked comfy enough, but I forgot to use them. The Bathroom phone? I actually wanted to try it, but I chickened out. Bathtub. Nope. Carpeting. Yeah, I walked on that. Closet. Yep. Coffee/tea maker. Essential. Complimentary tea. Swell. Daily housekeeping. They snuck in on me, and I felt guilty that my space wasn't as pristine as theirs. Desk. Yup. Extra long bed. Yup. Hair dryer. Also crucial. High floor. Pretty sure. In-room safe box. Didn't use it. Interconnecting room(s) available. Meh. Ironing facilities. I'm a slob. Laptop workspace. Yes. Linens. Yup. Mini bar. Nope. Mirror. Yup. Non-smoking. Indeed. They mean it. Or there is the danger of being fined. I heard rumors. On-demand movies. Probably. Private bathroom. Yes. Reading light. Yes. Refrigerator. Needed. Safety/security feature. Definitely. My inner germaphobe was strangely at peace. Satellite/cable channels. Yes. Scale. Nope. Seating area. Yes. Separate shower/bathtub. Nope. Shower. Yes. Slippers. Nope. Smoke detector. Yes. Socket near the bed. Yes. Sofa. No. Soundproofing. Yes. Telephone. Yes but I never used it. Toiletries. Yes. Towels. Yes. Umbrella. Nope. Visual alarm. No. Wake-up service. Nope. Window that opens. I think so.
Things to Do (Or, How I Reached Peak Relaxation)
Okay, let's talk Things to do. They had a Fitness center (I skipped it, I'm ashamed to admit). A Swimming pool [outdoor], perfect for a refreshing dip. A Spa/sauna (didn't use either). And then, the kicker: Pool with view. Oh, no, I did not see a Pool with view. I just saw the pool. But, I needed to chill out, so I went over, sat down on a pool-side lounge. I was alone! I then plunged into the pool and just… floated there. The sun hit my face and my eyes closed. It was actually kinda perfect.
Dining in the Age of Hyper-Cleanliness
The Breakfast [buffet] was… well, it was there. In all its pre-packaged, individually-wrapped glory. Breakfast takeaway service? Absolutely! Buffet in restaurant? Yes. The emphasis on Individually-wrapped food options was overwhelming. I understand the need for safety, but it felt like I was unwrapping everything. Everything. I’m talking fruit, muffins, even the salt packets were individually wrapped. I ended up eating a Western breakfast, because they also had Western cuisine in restaurant. It all felt weirdly… clinical. The Coffee shop was stocked. The Snack bar was stocked. I didn't realize how hungry I was.
Additional Amenities: The Good, The Unused, and the Questionable
- Cashless payment service: Check.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Overachieving.
- Doctor/nurse on call: Good to know.
- First aid kit: Hopefully unused.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Sounds efficient.
- Hygiene certification: Makes sense.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: They were taking it seriously.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: See above.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Didn't even consider it.
- Safe dining setup: Absolutely.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: They were very attentive.
- Sterilizing equipment: Apparently.
- Dining, drinking, and snacking: All present.
- A la carte in restaurant: Nope. Seems the "grab and go" model was in place.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Not required.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: Nope.
- Bar: Don't remember seeing one.
- Bottle of water: Yes, provided.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Present.
- Desserts in restaurant: I'm sure they were there, probably individually wrapped.
- Happy hour: I wish.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Nope.
- Poolside bar: I didn't see one.
- Restaurants: It looked like there was one.
- Room service [24-hour]: I didn't see that either
- Salad in restaurant: Nope.
- Snack bar: Seems to be the default.
- Soup in restaurant: Nope.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Not in this particular location.
- Western breakfast: Yes.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Yes.
Services and Conveniences: The Practical Stuff (And the Stuff I Didn't Use)
- Air conditioning in public area: Present
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: Probably.
- Business facilities:
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This isn't your glossy travel brochure. This is… me, unleashed on the Holiday Inn Express & Suites in Columbia, South Carolina. Prepare for a ride.
Holiday Inn Express & Suites – Columbia, SC: My Chaotic Odyssey (and it's a MESS, y'all)
Day 1: Arrival & The Great Breakfast Debacle
- 3:00 PM: Arrive at the hotel. Okay, first impressions. The lobby smells… mostly neutral. Not bad, not good. Kinda like the existential dread of a Tuesday afternoon. Check-in was smooth, bless the weary soul behind the counter. I think her nametag said "Brenda". Brenda deserves a medal for dealing with the public. Room seems clean enough. You know, hotel clean. I've seen worse – much worse. I'm already mentally preparing for the inevitable microscopic critters.
- 3:30 PM: Unpack. This is the part where I realize I forgot something vital. Every. Single. Time. Aha! My favorite travel mug. Seriously, how do I function without it? Now, where did I put the… (frantically rummages) …AH!
- 4:00 PM: Explore the room. Standard. Two queen beds. The sheets look clean. I run my hand along them just… in case. The pillows… oh, the pillows! I'm a pillow snob. These are… passable. Comfortably dense, but not quite the cloud-like experience I crave. The TV? I briefly contemplate a power nap, I did not.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. Ugh. I'm starving. The hotel "restaurant" (more like a glorified vending machine alcove, truth be told) isn't an option. Time to venture out. I end up at a generic chain restaurant down the street, because I'm exhausted and the thought of driving further gives me the heebie-jeebies. Food? Edible. Service? Adequate. Ambiance? Existing.
- 8:00 PM: Back in the room. Watch some mind-numbing reality TV. This is my life now. This is what I've become. I can feel the vacation brain slowly turning off. Consider the hotel laundry service. I have way too many socks, and that may be the true crime.
- 9:00 PM: Bedtime… attempt. The outside lights flood my room and I have to get up to hang a blanket over the window. What a pain.
Day 2: The Breakfast Buffet Battleground & Fort Jackson Frustrations
- 7:00 AM: THE BREAKFAST. This is where things go south. I hear rumors. The internet says sausage. The internet also said I would be well rested, so I am skeptical. I'm hungry, I'm grumpy, and I'm facing down the continental breakfast gauntlet. First impressions: the waffle maker looks like a relic from the 1980s. The batter… suspiciously thin. The fruit? A sad pile of mostly-brown bananas and a few anemic oranges. The scrambled eggs? Pale, rubbery, and screaming "mass-produced." I have to be honest with myself. This is the definition of a breakfast of champions. I eat it anyway. I even manage to get a partially-cooked waffle. Small victory, but I'll take it.
- 8:00 AM: Coffee in hand (thank god for the decent coffee), plan for the day. Trying to get to Fort Jackson. "It'll be easy", I tell myself. "Just a short drive!" Famous last words. Seriously, why is it so hard to get around this town? And the signs? They’re trying to be helpful, but I get lost anyway.
- 9:30 AM: Fort Jackson Visit. Okay, I was expecting to be moved. I am. Moved to tears by the sheer banality of the visitor's center. There's a statue. A gift shop with overpriced camo-print everything. Where are the real stories? Where is the grit, the struggle, the… humanity of it all? I feel a vague disappointment. I guess I was expecting more. A real glimpse into the world of the people that call themselves soldiers.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. Found a small local place. Delicious. That is all.
- 2:00 PM: Back to the hotel. I needed a nap. I collapsed on the bed and was out in an instant.
- 4:00 PM: The dreaded pool. I'm not a pool person. But it's hot. So, I put on my swimsuit and go to the pool. It's tiny, the water is lukewarm, and there are kids making way too much noise. I last about 15 minutes before retreating like a scared little rabbit. The pool does not defeat me.
- 6:00 PM: Another chain restaurant. (I swear I'll find a local place tomorrow. I swear!)
- 9:00 PM: Bed. I'm starting to suspect that this hotel is slowly absorbing my soul.
Day 3: Good Riddance & Departure
- 7:00 AM: Breakfast. The same. I attempt a different strategy, but end up eating the same sad, rubbery eggs.
- 8:00 AM: Check out. Brenda is not there. I feel a little sad about this. I need to find a local coffee shop on the ride home. I need to find a whole new life.
- 8:30 AM: Hitting the road. I leave Columbia. I think. I hope.
Final Review:
Holiday Inn Express & Suites, Columbia (SC)? It's a hotel. It exists. It's clean enough. Breakfast? Don't get your hopes up. Value for money? Probably average. Would I stay here again? Maybe. If I'm desperate. And if Brenda's working the front desk. God bless her.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5 Sad Scrambled Eggs (plus a bonus point for the potential of a decent night's sleep)
P.S. I still have no idea what the "Suites" part is about. I didn't see any suites. False advertising, perhaps? The struggle is real.
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